"Morning person, or night owl?": what your icebreaker answers really mean.

Linkedin-Merchant (definition #12)

NOUN

1. Someone who can seamlessly adapt their Icebreaker answers to construct the best yet so obviously inaccurate image of themselves to the delight of their new manager and disgust of their fellow employees.

• "He's just told our manager that he takes ice baths and eats a fully vegan and natural diet to pursue a greater state of mindfulness, I saw him going to town on a McMuffin not five minutes before this meeting started, he is such a Linkedin-merchant!

Dear Network,

Picture the scene, you've woken up three hours earlier than you're used to for your first day at your summer internship, at least 6 alarms have been snoozed. Pret coffee in hand, you have finally managed to find the building and the right floor (assuming you weren't ridiculously keen and scoped out the area the day before, no time for that) and you are sat in a lobby or waiting area surrounded by others who feel equally as out of place as you...

A few nods and smiles are exchanged, but no one dares to speak, too nervous for that. The manager you've heard the name of but have never spoken to (online interviews) comes in and ushers you into another non-descript room for your "welcome briefing". Here's the summary.

1. "Welcome guys! It's okay you're allowed to smile!"

2. "This is what we do here... (You revised this incessantly for interview #75)

3. This is what we expect of you.

4. You will get your laptops tomorrow (you will use your own for today)

5. Generic onboarding drivel

6. "Before all that though, let's do a quick ICEBREAKER!"

*panic*

Welcome back to Officially Unemployed! This week, we're talking icebreakers.

Defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary as follows, icebreakers serve as a staple of the tick-box exercise that is corporate team-building.

Icebreaker (NOUN)

[C] a game or joke that makes people who do not know each other feel more relaxed together

From "Two truths and a lie" to being asked to give an interesting fact about yourself, the purpose of these games from an employer's perspective is seemingly obvious, let's get our new hires talking and feeling slightly less awkward around each other, makes sense right? From our perspective though, they serve as a fervent reminder that first impressions are everything. This leads to some mental toil as we swiftly forget every interest we've ever had and every significant achievement of our lives as more people answer. Do we exaggerate? Do we understate ourselves? What are people going to think of me? These are just some of the questions swirling around our minds as Jonty and Monty from the University of Edinburgh's Misogyny Society wax lyrical about their winters in Val Thorenz and evenings growing their personal stock portfolio.

Despite seeming pointless, Curt Rees PhD demonstrates that there are plenty of cognitive concepts in place in his article "The Science Behind Icebreakers" which can be found here: The Science Behind Icebreakers | LinkedIn . An interesting read for sure.

• Social Cognitive Theory - relationship building leading to better productivity

• Attention and Focus - increasing mental flexibility

• Dopamine Release - increased desire to participate after a positive interaction

• Emotional regulation - providing a break from more serious activities that can lead to anxiety and tension

• Cognitive Load - providing a mental reset to maintain focus.

So, how do we attack these social chess matches? How does one strike the balance between interesting, and showing off? Here are some classic answers to enchant/disgust your co-workers and some particularly bland questions!

"My hobbies outside of this job relate directly to this job"

No, they do not.

First off, I understand why people do this and can recognise that, in a minority of cases, this will not be a complete lie. Being a new hire or intern can come with great feelings of insecurity and a notion that you need to "prove yourself". This is especially the case as an intern when you know/have heard that some of you may be offered permanent contracts at the end of your time. Given that first impressions are everything, it makes sense that you would show yourself to be keen and interested in the field.

As understandable as this may be, I am of the opinion that these kind of responses do not serve their intended purpose. The reality is that a hiring manager would never have put you through all 68.76 stages of the recruitment process from video interviews to sacrificing your firstborn if they did not think you had demonstrable interest in your role. In terms of your new co-workers, they learn nothing new about you other than that you will step over anyone you can to put yourself in good favour with your manager and have little interest in getting to know them, which may or may not be the case. There's no shame in talking about your U11 football team's legendary youth cup run or your aptitude for knitting as immediately that tells me more about you than some fabricated interest in the finer points of Search Engine Optimisation. Just my opinion.

"Two truths and a lie"

Straight from the onboarding handbook, this vintage classic strikes fear into the hearts of even the most experienced intern.

In a game of desperately avoiding repetition and fabricating an environment-appropriate lie that is somewhat believable might even be more difficult than getting this gig in the first place. Tapping into our natural inclination to show ourselves in a positive light, creating the perfect cocktail of quirky and plausible to impress your co-workers can prove to be extremely difficult, particularly when the person next to you has somehow telepathically stolen one of your lies.

You'll often hear things like "I once met a celebrity," "I can speak three languages fluently," or "I've been skydiving." Then there are the more mysterious ones like "I once lived in a foreign country for a year" or "I have a hidden talent, but I can't reveal it just yet." Either way, we always think of a better one in the shower after work and we are filled with a deep regret and sadness. Or, at least, I am. Ultimately, I feel that again this is very limited in terms of its purpose of getting to know co-workers and releasing any awkwardness. Concerning the latter of these two, it can often do the opposite.

Managers, we don't like this game, and we know you didn't either. Fix up.

The "Philanthropist"

This is an absolute classic and I am so guilty of this one.

Again, this one is a direct result of our very human desire to show ourselves in a positive light and is a perfectly valid response. You should absolutely be proud of any charity work you've done.

What it can give rise to though, is the phenomenon known as "Arabella and Minty's Gap Year Chronicles", where 3 days volunteering in a Costa Rican surf camp for bed and board is dressed-up as a deeply spiritual journey of self-discovery and selflessness that gave perspective and insight into the real world. This a classic example of the kinds of embellishment and exaggeration that our instincts scream out for us to employ in this kind of situation. My take is that a trip to Costa Rica for whatever purpose is interesting enough so just be real about it.

Equally, I think there is a misconception that you have to have done really amazing, extravagant and objectively impressive things in order to put across a strong impression of yourself, especially in internships and companies that are typically dominated by Russel Group Students that are stereotypically surrounded by privilege. You may question the validity of your more modest-sounding experiences and feel at something of a "disadvantage". The fact is, this should not be the case. It is important to know that every experience is valid. You are all sat in the same room because you passed the same tests and jumped through all of the same hoops, regardless of your background and achievements outside of the professional domain. Anyone that feels otherwise is not worth your time, simple.

"Which celebrity (dead or alive), would you like to have dinner with?"

No you wouldn't want to eat dinner with Adam Smith and talk about the "invisible hand of the market", we all know a meal with DJ Khaled would be an absolute movie.

I probably need to take care with this one, as with the hobbies and interests questions and remember that not everyone is as braindead as me. I don't doubt that some of these responses are genuine but some are beyond ridiculous. Once again, we enhance our answers to seem more impressive for the benefit of no one in particular. You already have the job, stop trying to sell yourself and let's figure out if we're going to be friends or sit in awkward silence on our lunchbreak.

It is worth remembering that these exercises are for new hires to try and get to know each other, not score points with the person that's already hired you. Let's take the pretence out of this and not foster a system that already pits us against each other enough as it is. Use this time to showcase the things they weren't interested in during the recruitment process.

Takeaways:

These icebreakers, despite my cynicism, will remain a feature in the working world and can in fact be used effectively.

As much as this post pokes fun at some of the ways they can fall short, this is often not down to the nature of the exercises themselves but how we as participants perceive them. That's right, for the first time ever on this blog, I am not going to blame employers for being disconnected or outdated in their approach. Merchants, this one is aimed at you...

No one is going to remember your "insightful" response to why you are a hybrid of an early riser and a night owl because they are too focussed on remembering how to speak when faced with a public forum. There is no need to keep digging when you've already struck oil. Giving authentic responses that are true to your personality will immediately foster relatability and ease the immense nerves and impostor syndrome that comes with entering the world of work for the first time. Regardless of background and past experience, we are all in the same boat and can find common ground, making meaningful connections in both our personal and professional networks. If nothing else, let's bond over the awkwardness that comes with being asked to name the more interesting aspects of our personality.

In the words of our latest social media platform, BeReal. (sorry)

Have a good weekend, merchants. Just need a tissue for my nosebleed (taking a week off roasting recruiters has been tough). See you next week.

Your favourite LM,

AT